How to find a Childhood Trauma Therapist (who actually gets you)
Updated November 2025
Hi, I’m Sarah. I work with adults who grew up in families that, “looked fine on paper”, but who left them feeling confused and disconnected.
Not all childhood trauma looks like chaos or abuse
You had no holes in your shoes. There were no empty cupboards. You had piano lessons, holidays and a tidy house. Your parents might have shouted sometimes, but “it was normal.” You learned quickly that your feelings didn’t matter, or that expressing them was risky.
You endured long stretches of silence for doing something “wrong.” You felt responsible for everyone’s moods. You ran away in your mind to escape the awful you couldn’t name. And now, years later, you still don’t know if it’s even a thing.
That’s where many therapists don’t get it because they’re trained to look for obvious dysfunction. They know a version of childhood trauma that your parents didn’t fit. You look fine. Smart, articulate, successful. And yet… you’re not fine.
Why finding the right therapist matters
Therapy can feel confusing when your trauma is subtle but insidious. You might leave sessions thinking:
“Is it me?”
“Am I imagining this?”
“Maybe I’m just too sensitive.”
That’s not you. It’s the way subtle trauma interacts with the way most therapists are trained. Many therapists are trained to be non directive: to give space and trust that you’ll figure things out in a safe environment. That sounds good in theory, but if your trauma taught you to shut down, to take all the responsibility yourself, or to silence your needs, that “space” can feel empty and unsafe.
A good therapist for this kind of trauma:
Gets the invisible patterns that made you feel responsible, silenced, or wrong
Helps you name what wasn’t okay in ways that make sense to you
Explains why you feel the way you do without making you feel defective
Shows what better experiences, boundaries, and feeling safe look like
Holds you accountable in a way that feels safe, not shaming
A therapist like this understands that subtle trauma can’t always be “figured out” in silence. They guide you step by step, helping you notice what’s happening, explain it, and feel safe while learning new patterns.
How to look for a therapist who gets it
Most directories will list therapists by qualifications or specialities. But what really matters isn’t the acronyms or qualifications. It’s:
Do they understand subtle, high functioning trauma?
Can they translate your patterns into words that make sense to you?
Do they acknowledge what therapy hasn’t done for you in the past and approach it differently?
You don’t need someone to “fix” you. You need someone to see you, and help you make sense of a childhood that wasn’t obvious to anyone else.
A note on honesty
If I speak with someone and feel I can’t help them, I’ll tell them. That’s part of my job. And I’ll also tell you what’s likely to work. Therapy should never leave you more confused, more ashamed, or more responsible for what wasn’t your fault.
You deserve someone who understands the invisible damage: the subtle, family based, sneaky trauma and can help you make sense of it in real life. That’s what I do.
If you want to see if we might be a fit, you can book a call, and we’ll talk it through honestly. You don’t have to keep doing this on your own.
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