Who I work with

• You’re smart, capable and by all external measures successful.

• People come to you with their problems. (And you give good advice, if you do say so yourself.)

• You’ve still got nagging doubts about your life. You thought you’d feel more grown up. (And less like your public persona doesn’t match your internal experience.)

• You’re intrigued by therapy, but all the soothing, softly spoken validation makes you want to run a mile in the opposite direction.

• You’ve been labelled as stubborn; as a fellow stubborn person, if we can get you on your own side, you’ll finally get some traction.

• You played the game, bought the flat, climbed the ladder - but none of it helped or filled the hole you can’t locate (it feels too cliché to say it’s in your heart).

You’re suffering with:

Feeling like you should feel better than you do. Self criticism. A pervasive sense of “wtf is wrong with me and why can’t I fix it?” Procrastination. Perfectionism. People pleasing. Lack of motivation. Feeling unfulfilled. Emptiness. You may feel rage towards one or both parents, although you’d never say it out loud. Or maybe you’re stunningly indifferent towards your family because, honestly, you’re not that close.

You might have anxiety. Panic attacks. Low self esteem. Feeling bad about yourself. Trust issues. You probably overreact, or wonder why one minute you’re fine and the next minute you’re really not okay. You’re not sure exactly what happened in between.

You probably describe your family situation as “complicated.” I’d call it dysfunctional.

You might identify with the label of CPTSD (complex trauma). This could look like a history of childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect, including Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) or any of the struggles above.

Or you might not recognise any of these terms. You might just know that something feels wrong and you need some help.

You’ve tried to work things out on your own, or with other therapists, and still feel stuck. You know there’s more going on under the surface than anyone else sees.

Does therapy even work?

Look, I wouldn’t be here if it didn’t, and that’s why you’re (tentatively) interested. You don’t want a therapist who seems to be struggling as much as you are.

I work relationally, which means I’m interested in how you relate to me and to others; family, friends, colleagues. People bring their patterns and ways of being into therapy, and understanding these patterns lets us practice change in the therapy room before taking it out into the real world.

At last, the years I spent on help desks debugging databases finally came in handy. We’ll do something similar: spotting patterns, testing what works, and learning how to fix the things that keep tripping you up. But with emotions, relationships, and your internal experience.

In real life, this approach means you get someone who can help you figure out where the programming went wrong and how to adjust it.

Why should I trust you?

Don’t trust me.

Seriously. I won’t bullshit you with the “this is a safe space” line you’ve heard so many times you want to throw the Ikea chair into the stream that seems to appear on every therapy website.

But here’s the deal: you should be prepared to tell me what you’re thinking, what you notice, who I remind you of, when you gave up, and what keeps you going. That’s what we work with.

I love working with clients who’ve struggled to find reliable people in their lives. If I can be reliable and trustworthy for you, I might be the first person who has really done this. That can be life changing. And if you can trust me, you can start trusting other people again, or at least get better at spotting who deserves it.

People who come to see me are ready to change and try new approaches. Many have tried therapy before or attempted to figure things out themselves. I don’t try to direct your life or pretend I have all the answers.

I take a collaborative approach. You have someone on your side, not another person to impress or put on a front with. My progress is hard won. I continue to work on myself, so you won’t look at me and see the “shit I struggle with too” look you’ve spotted on other therapists’ faces.

I’m not perfect or fixed. But you don’t want that anyway: you want honesty, solidarity, and someone who actually gets it.

Education and background

BA Hons French and German, UCL, 2003, 4 years.

PG Dip Integrative Psychotherapy, level 7, 4 years.

UKCP Registered, Scoped Column C.

I’ve been a psychotherapist for over 15 years, specialising in childhood trauma, CPTSD, and emotional neglect.

My training was four years at Masters level in Integrative Psychotherapy (which takes different elements of attachment, Gestalt, relational, developmental approaches) including weekly personal therapy and regular supervision throughout. I’m now registered with the UKCP through SCPTI (Scarborough Counselling and Psychotherapy Training Institute). For therapy nerds, that’s Scoped Column C; the highest tier in a three tier system comparing Counselling and Psychotherapy training across the UK.

Before training as a psychotherapist, I worked in London in financial services, moving along the usual escalator: good university, city job, free champagne. Retrospectively, I was probably hoping that I’d finally feel good enough, and I wish I’d known then what I know now about how to handle people, my own feelings of inadequacy, and how to persevere. Most people need a job and want to feel useful, but without any sense of self worth, you end up changing your mood depending on which way the wind is blowing: when your boss is happy and you’re doing well, it’s all good; when you screw up or miss a promotion, you fall into feeling like it’s all your fault again.

The spreadsheets, meetings, and troubleshooting did finally come in handy spotting patterns, solving problems, understanding systems and behaviour. I miss the free champagne and the commission more than the spreadsheets.

I’ve undertaken specialised training in trauma, CPTSD, sexual abuse, and childhood emotional neglect. I’ve also volunteered as a therapist for survivors of sexual assault and supported clients through BEAT, the UK eating disorders charity.