How to find a childhood trauma therapist
Hi, I’m Sarah and I’m a psychotherapist working online with childhood trauma and CPTSD (complex trauma).
If you know or suspect you have childhood trauma, the first suggestion is normally to go to therapy.
But this often creates more questions than it answers, like:
How do I find a therapist?
The main bodies (organisations) who oversee counsellors and psychotherapists in the UK are the UKCP (of which I’m a member), the BACP and the NCS.
These all have directories, which are lists of therapists that you can contact.
There are also big directories such as Psychology Today and Counselling Directory which are not affilated with any particular body. You can filter by area and specialist topics on these.
There are also lots of smaller directories available online, some of whom provide therapist matching services or who let you book online.
There’s a lot of therapy jargon around when looking for a therapist. Do you know your CBT from your DBT? Your attachment style and whether you need Integrative, Psychodynamic or Psychoanalytic therapy? Maybe you’re wondering what the difference between a counsellor and a psychotherapist is? Then there’s person centred, humanistic, trauma focussed, somatic, top down, emdr, eft, gestalt and has your head exploded yet?!
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and put it in your ‘worry about it later’ pile and put off looking for a therapist.
The good news is, it’s not that complicated and you can fairly safely ignore the acronyms. Here’s what I recommend you do instead.
Look for a childhood trauma therapist
Ideally, you would look for someone who specialises in your problem, this means they’re going to have more experience of working with people like you, are more likely to focus any training the do on things that are affecting you and are more likely to suit you better. Not all therapists specialise (which is often called a niche) but it’s becoming more common as it’s easier to market to someone who feels like you get them.
Look for these childhood trauma synonyms:
If you’re reading profiles or googling for a therapist, look for the following words that I have seen used as childhood trauma synonyms (or near synonyms):
Childhood trauma
Complex trauma (when you had multiple traumas)
CPTSD or complex ptsd (synonyms for the above)
Developmental trauma (trauma that started as a child)
Relational trauma (trauma that occurred in a relationship)
Attachment based (which looks at how your family affected your world view)
Chidlhood abuse (includes, physical, sexual and emotional abuse)
Childhood neglect (if you were physically neglected)
Childhood Emotional Neglect (when your emotional needs were not met)
Childhood PTSD
PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)
Mother wound/father wound
Narcissistic mother/father/parents
Narcissistic family
Dysfunctional family
What do I do if therapy isn’t helping?
If you have a therapist and you don’t feel it’s helping, don’t give up. Good therapists should be open to discussing your concerns if you are brave enough to voice them.
Some people don’t connect with their therapist (this is important!) or feel actively harmed or misunderstood by their therapist but worry they are being difficult and are sometimes even told that they’re not trying hard enough or are being resitant.
If you have childhood trauma, it’s common to stay longer than you ought to in situations or relationships and that can include therapy.
Therapy should be somewhere where you feel understood; like you have someone on your side. The therapist should be invested in understanding you and ask questions when they don’t. Judging you, shaming you or making assumptions does not have a place in therapy. This doesn’t mean they’ll always agree with you but they should disagree respectfully.
I’ve had a bad experience in therapy
I’m sorry that you’ve had a bad experience of therapy or had a harmful therapist. I hear a lot of horror stories of things that should not happen in therapy.
If you’ve had a bad therapy experience I understand your reluctance to try again and I respect your choice whether or not to find someone new.
If you’re open to trying again, I would tell any prospective therapist that you’ve had a bad experience when you talk to them. I’d expect them to be sympathetic and interested in what went wrong.
How to find a great therapist
A great therapist is subjective. You need someone who is affordable to you, someone who has experience of working with your problem, someone who understands you or who asks the right questions when they don’t understand you. I also recommend finding someone you like and who seems to like you.
Don’t make things harder for yourself by picking someone who reminds you of your angry father or who looks like your mother who terrified you unless you are both open to exploring this in therapy.
If you do want to do this, I would consider this an advanced approach to therapy so if you’re just starting off I recommend making things as easy as possible for yourself.
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