Why am I unhappy even though I’m successful?
Hi, I’m Sarah and I’m a UKCP registered Psychotherapist with a Masters level training in Psychotherapy. I’ve spent the last 15 years helping people unsure of their trauma status, recover from childhood trauma.
A pattern I see again and again is this:
People who look successful on the outside but feel dissatisfied, empty, or “not good enough” on the inside.
Many describe:
Feeling dissatisfied with what they’ve achieved
Feeling like their success is never enough
Feeling like something is missing
Wondering why they don’t feel happy
Feeling like something is “wrong” with them
These feelings are far more common than people think. And they usually come from two underlying issues.
1. A missing or underdeveloped ‘Emotional processing System’
A healthy emotional processing system looks like this:
Something happens → you feel something → the emotion passes.
But many people grow up without adults who helped with this. Instead, emotions get:
pushed down
ignored
avoided
rationalised
numbed
laughed at
So adulthood looks like:
A. Feeling something → trying not to feel it → avoiding it
(by drinking, eating, working, exercising, scrolling, sex, TV).
B. Not feeling anything at all
(then later feeling emptiness, like something is wrong, relationships are shallow or you get told you’re not “getting it right”, you drink too much and people don’t like it).
C. Feeling something → telling yourself you’re “fine”
even when you’re not.
None of this means something is wrong with you. It simply means no one taught you how to process emotions because they didn’t know how to themselves.
2. Chronic Shame
Shame can sound like:
“I’m not good enough.”
“People don’t really like me.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Everyone else seems to cope better than I do.”
This isn’t a personality flaw it’s often a leftover emotional pattern from childhood.
Where these patterns come from
Many clients describe parents who were:
Unemotional
Very quiet
Overwhelmed or anxious
Irritable or shouty
Distracted or unavailable
Most were doing the best they could with what they were taught.
There are also life events people tend to minimise but which have a real impact:
A parent who drank
A parent who was absent
Illness or disability in the family
Financial instability
Bereavement
Being a minority or facing social pressure
These experiences often feel “normal” at the time, but their emotional effects show up later.
How therapy helps
My aim is to help people build a working emotional processing system.
This often includes:
Learning what you’re feeling and why
Understanding how past experiences get triggered in the present
Releasing emotions that were pushed down in childhood
Making sense of confusing reactions or patterns
Feeling more grounded and in control
Therapy doesn’t need to be formal or stiff. People often tell me I “talk like a normal person” which I take as a compliment. Sessions may feel like a natural conversation, but I’m always tracking what’s happening underneath. (And if you have questions, you can always ask me what we’re doing and why, it’s not a secret).
What changes
People I work with often tell me they feel:
calmer
more confident
more connected
more patient
kinder to themselves
more able to cope
Many also find they perform better at work; getting promotions, taking on new roles, or feeling more motivated. People often worry they’ll “lose their edge,” but in practice they usually gain energy to do more (if they actually want to).
If you recognise yourself in any of this, or you’re curious about how I work, schedule a free call and find out how I can help.